Sunday, November 1, 2015
#324 Kebiasaan Buruk Saya
Every person has bad habit(s). Me included. When people ask me what my bad habit is, I personally take it seriously because 'bad' is a judgement and the nature of the word is very perceptive. (I actually laughed when I first knew I should write about this thing in a challenge I'm trying to finish). So let's start, shall we? Below are my bad habits, some of them are not concrete actions because I think bad habits are also produced by our crucial part of our body: mind.
1. I blame myself for everything that turns out bad
I claim this as habit because it happens everytime and I don't know to control this or even to stop it. It gives a very bad impact of me because sometimes I think it prevents me to grow up and analyze the whole world I'm living in. Sometimes even, when I know something's wrong and what's wrong I still think it's all because of me. I play mind games, and I always find that non-linear and peculiar thought that leads me to the conclusion that "If I didn't..." or "If it wasn't me.." thoughts. I always feel so guilty if I blame people because I never feel like I'm perfectly right or anything. This is a real problem of mine and if you guys know how to handle it please call me. thank you.
2. I believe in my intuition too much
as you can see on my left sidebar, I got this INFJ-typical from MBTI to draw my personality. I'm the one who uses intuition rather than senses, and honestly, that's real, that's the truth, and even I think I use my intuition too much, and I believe on it too much, too. For example, when I have this kind of PDKT-typical of relationship, I always use my intuition to get to know if this is the right person or not, if this person is the one I should keep going on with or not (even with the ones I actually have fallen for). As conclusion: I need datas. I always need datas. I always try to find evident for my intuition and so far it has never given me any wrong datas. I'm safe from people I don't want to be with because I'm not the one who wants to go with trial and error. The bad thing, is, I feel like I always think whenever I think I should be having fun. I'm too anxious and insecure and never feel fully comfortable with people I'm not close with. And yes, I'm twenty-one and I've never been in relationship : ) Don't worry. I'm happy with my condition right now. I believe in right person. Not today, maybe, but someday.
3. I can't manage my finance well (does it mean I'm not yet ready to get married?)
Extravagant. Yeah. Me. LITERALLY. I'm used to "kaya di awal bulan dan bengong di akhir bulan" because of this. I obsess over several things and I can't control it. Sometimes I buy books too much then I spend money to eat so much in fancy places or going to places I don't event want to, buying cds, randomly buying clothes and some other things then go broke few weeks afterwards. It's terrible. It's now getting better since I force myself to look at my priorities first before buying something but it's not enough, I think. I don't have real much money to buy all things I crave about and I realize about it, so the problem is: how to stop this, psychologically, because yes, of course, I'm happy with buying things I want to buy even if later I won't even use them (music cds, for example, I don't even play them by the time they're arrived huhuhu).
4. I look at people with this "observing and judgemental" look every single time
And I know it's not good! I swear I know it's not good and maybe it hurts people but I promise it's not because I want to do it. I don't even realize I have that kind of stare when I face people. I'm used to get this "please don't look at me like that because it scares me" comment and until now I don't know how to stop this thing because actually I like to observe people but not in such scary and judgemental way (!??!!?!??!). I can promise you with my mind because really I don't know how to control my eye movement. Thanks.
Labels: blog challenge, daily, daily life, me, rants, real life
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